Bene' Brown
I first heard of Bene' Browns work when I saw a YouTube video on empathy. Someone had created a cartoon with Bene's voice-over from a talk of hers. I think the cartoon adds a lot of power to the message. She discussed the difference between sympathy and empathy, in a nutshell that being able to feel what the other person is feeling without Judgement. It can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
It was a good video and resonated with me really well. The imagery of the goat (I think) eating sandwich and responding to someones marriage falling apart with 'at least you had a marriage' is quite strong.
So many people when responding to your struggle or how you are feeling will respond with a silver lining, unable to accept that you are not 'happy'. Which reminds me of my mother, when I had exams, or an important interview, I was stressed, needing someone to listen and she would respond with 'you'll be fine', or 'you always pass the exam'... This coming across that she thinks me passing an exam or interview is easy or a given. This is certainly not the case and to pass an exam takes hours and hours of study, frustration and perseverance, a simple you'll be fine diminishes every effort I go through in passing an exam.
Anyhow, that is an example in my life of getting sympathy and not empathy.
Bene' Brown is a shame researcher, using research to understand shame and how best to deal with it. In short, she is like a doctor for your conscious.
3 books
So obviously with an introduction on Bene' Brown the 3 books I am going to recommend are by here.
#1) The Gifts of Imperfection
Someone first suggested this book when I was not accepting my anxiety, not aware of it and not understand why I could not control my emotions. This book helped so much.
This one as Bene' summarises is about being you, living genuinely yourself and accepting who you area.
Sidenote: I still struggle with anxiety and hate myself for it. - Something I am working on
#2) Daring Greatly
Honestly, I have not read this one yet.. But it is about having the confidence to be the real you. So I am looking forward to reading it.
#3) Rising Strong
This one is about when you fall, or fail and the long hard climb back to where you work.
I am reading / listening to this book now.
This one is much more relevant to my current situation. Especially with anxiety and that 'fake' story we jump to. Or I jump to when something bad is happening, or when my emotions explode.
I am unsure if it is an evolutionary trait, or bias, as a way to survive, but when something happens (bad, a fight, bad meeting etc) I think the worst. I have an issue with self-worth. This can happen when you open yourself up to someone/colleagues etc etc. and they brush it off, or sharing something you are excited about and friends brush it off, or a thing at work that you are all pumped for and does not go well, things like that, that cause shame.. I instinctively go to I am not enough... It is my current worst flaw in my personal life. A nice video here sort of explains it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RsPjFnNdw4
This book is helping me to understand it, or at least become aware of it. I have not read it all, so I am unsure what exactly to do. I do know, that the easy path of shutting down, hiding and giving everything away is not the answer.. This is not something new, its always been there, one of those 'curses' we bare right?..
I will continue to work on this, and blog my experiences.
Cheers
Haydn
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